I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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