i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
