it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
