I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
