I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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