I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
