1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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