I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
