his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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