sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
