Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
