I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
