help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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