I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize