I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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