yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
