You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You made out with two different species that night
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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