Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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