Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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