What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
