Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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