so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
