Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Do you still have your period?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
