FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
