i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize