He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
