It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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