Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
