I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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