I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize