He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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