Well douche your snatch and let's go!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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