I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
