elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize