This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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