i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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