Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
