I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
BRING THE BAGELS
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize