how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
