i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
