THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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