Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
