Barsexuality is the new black.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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