they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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