Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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