I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
