she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
