you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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