i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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