is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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