god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
