A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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