Cold hands, warm shart.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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