Plan B is the new Plan A
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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