I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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