it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize