Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
