I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize