he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
