Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
