I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
