i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
