I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
