Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
