so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
