Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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