I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
