my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
