i already hear my dad disowning me
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
