Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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