so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
