It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
