Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
