Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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