dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
