yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
