Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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