Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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