I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
